Seoul Brotha #1 just turned three months old, so that means it's just about time for me to go back to work. As I reflect on my maternity leave, I realize that I've probably broken just about every mommy rule in the book. I feel somewhat guilty for some of the faux pas, but mostly like kind of a rebel. I guess I just wouldn't be me if I went completely by the book, so in the interest of maintaining some of myself during this life-changing experience, I'm doing it my way.
Rule #1: Back is best - In my defense, the rule used to be in favor of baby sleeping on his or her tummy so that just in case he or she vomited, they wouldn't aspirate on it. Made sense to our parents, I always did it when I babysat back in the day, and all of us are still alive. This is a great rule unless baby doesn't actually like sleeping on his back, which mine doesn't. I've tried to follow this rule, but honestly I wouldn't be able to write this post right now if I had put the little guy down for a nap on his back; he'd wake up, freak out, and I'd end up holding him to get him to sleep for more than 10-minutes at a time, which of course they tell you not to do.
Rule #2: Don't hold the baby all day - Well duh! at some point you're going to have to pee or hopefully take a shower or something else that requires you to put the baby down. In spite of the fact that I think that he's just the cutest little thing and I love cuddling with him, I can't get a whole lot of anything done if I'm holding him. But, I have to admit that I kinda break this rule. If he's not doing tummy time or playing on his back on his play mat, he's probably in my arms. I've compromised a bit on this and ordered a Boba wrap, so that I at least have my hands free, but again, he can only stand being on his back for so long, tummy time leads to nap time, and he can't sit up on his own yet, so he spends a lot of time being held. Yes, this includes while he's sleeping.
Rule #3: Don't let the baby sleep in your arms - If he gets too fussy, usually because of gas, I pat his back until it passes and he falls asleep. To the creator of this rule and all the science behind crying it out and comforting them and then putting them back down, I have one question...have you ever had a baby? This child can scream (and I've timed him) for a full hour without ceasing! Picking him up to quiet him and then putting him back down just serves to further aggravate him and if I try to put him down after he's fallen asleep, 9 times out of 10 he wakes up again and starts screaming. It's a vicious cycle that's easily avoided by simply finding a safe, comfortable place for us both to fall asleep with him in my arms or on my chest.
Rule #4: No co-sleeping - I understand that there are some very large people out there who have rolled over on their children and suffocated them, or people who can't afford a bed big enough for more than one person, but neither of those things apply to me. Most of the time, he sleeps nearby in a bassinet-like thing (if I can get him to sleep on his back) but other times, in the early morning when I'm about to get up anyway, I pull him into bed with me to catch another hour or so. Honestly, after doing this for a little while, I can't figure out how you could smother your child and not know it, but I guess that's your story and you're sticking to it.
Rule #5: Don't let the baby fall asleep while breastfeeding - Really?!? please tell me how to keep him awake while cuddled up snug and warm against my stomach with a milky boob in his mouth. I certainly don't want to sit there in a cold room with my tit out just to keep him awake. Taking his sock off to keep him cool only makes him mad. Rubbing his cheek to keep him sucking just makes him smile in his sleep, which is cute but not effective, and trying to get him to unlatch has nearly caused the loss of my nipple on more than one occasion. So guess what...we break that rule too.
There are tons of other Do's and Don'ts when it comes to taking care of an infant and I've definitely set aside more time than I ever thought I would reading about what I should or shouldn't be doing. In the end, I think it all comes down to common sense, trial and error. You have to do what's right for you and your baby, listen to the advice you think is good, and ignore anything you think is bad.
My advice: Don't down a bottle of wine, breastfeed, and fall asleep with your baby on his stomach, in your arms, or in your bed and I think he or she should make it to his or her first birthday.
