South Korea is not without its problems. In many ways, it still feels like a very young country that has a lot to learn about how to get along with others, how to be warm and welcoming of outsiders, and how to be inclusive and tolerant of people who don't necessarily fit into this homogeneous society. Generally, I felt safe and comfortable walking down the streets of Seoul, taking taxis and other public transportation at all hours of the day and night. But, as a foreigner, I was acutely aware of my otherness and often shied away from clothing and shoe stores, not so much because of the language barrier, but rather the size difference.
Koreans come in all shapes and sizes, but the overall sentiment seems to be that Americans are large people who don't always fit into Korean clothing. For most of my time here, I was pregnant and therefore I really couldn't wear most items I came across at Korean boutiques. However, following my pregnancy, I've worked pretty hard to get back into shape and I'm pretty proud of my progress. Unfortunately for me, a shopkeeper at a store I recently visited affirmed my reservations about trying on clothes here when I expressed interest in a dress. She quickly sized me up and declared that the dress was too small even before I had the chance to try it on. Thankfully, my husband has been very supportive of my post-pregnancy transformation. He quickly suggested that I try the dress on anyway and bought it for me on the spot upon seeing that it did, in fact, fit perfectly fine.
In short, what didn't kill my confidence has made me stronger. I simply realized that bluntness is a part of Korean culture and being told that you look tired, or sick, or fat is more of an expression of concern for one's 'condition' than it is a put down.
As a parent, I've had the unique opportunity to not only give birth to my child in a country that values motherhood and provides paid maternity leave, but also begin my journey as the mother of a little black boy outside of a country that seems to lack concern for the lives of its black children. This experience has made me think long and hard about raising Seoul Brother #1 or any child/children that may follow within the confines of such a hostile environment. While one would think that living in a place that is still technically at war would feel more dangerous than living in the 'Land of the Free and Home of the Brave,' something about watching things happen from the outside of the burning house looking in at the people complaining about it getting warm in there makes me want to wait until the dust settles and things get rebuilt from the ground up.
Therefore, it is with some level of reluctance that I return to a place where guns are legal, healthcare isn't free, mothers return to work often days or weeks after giving birth because they can't afford to stay at home, and blacks are shot dead in the streets by the people sworn to protect them. The lesson there: the USA is pretty good at defending and protecting the rights and liberties of other people (i.e. the ROK), but not so good about taking care of its own people. Something is fundamentally wrong with the idea of living in a city within missile range of a sworn enemy and never questioning my safety or the freedoms I've given up by not living in my country of origin, but worrying about returning to said country of origin and feeling as though my very existence will constantly be threatened.
It is, though, with an open mind, a new appreciation for the hard working military members, their spouses, and families, and a new perspective on the world that I head back to the States...for now.
I bid my beloved Seoul a fond farewell (Ahn-hee-kay-say-oh!)
